Posted 26 November 2005
Those of you who saw last Saturday's diary entry as soon as it was posted will note that it has now changed somewhat. I've realised that I'm going to have to be careful about describing in detail the discipline sessions I have with Martin. It's all very well for me to indulge myself by writing an online diary, but if I'm recognised by someone within our current social circle and word gets around about what I've been up to, the person who will most likely bear the brunt of the fallout will be my husband, not me.
As I've already indicated, the main reason I'm uncomfortable with it becoming public knowledge that I enjoy domination and want to have extramarital sex is because it might deter desirable men from forming a relationship with me. Other than that, I'm not particularly afraid of others knowing my exotic tastes. For Martin however the downside is much greater, particularly if I show pictures of the humiliations I subject him to. He would likely become the subject of ridicule and his business would no doubt suffer too. Although I enjoy humiliating my husband, this sort of public ignominy is not something I would ever want to inflict on him.
For this reason I'm not going to describe all of the things that I do with Martin, and in coming posts I'll mainly concentrate on his cuckolding (which in many ways is the ultimate humiliation anyway). Suffice it to say that the methods and techniques I use on my husband result in truly severe humiliation. He is required to do things - all captured on video - that are utterly demeaning for any man to do. Those of you who are already familiar with the techniques that dominas use to humble and shame their submissives will know that the essential aim is to make their target feel less of a man; to strip him of all self-respect and dignity in the bedroom, and completely undermine any preconceived psychological notion of the traditional male role. Dispossessed of his masculinity, a husband can have no objection to his wife treating him with contempt and seeking sexual pleasure with other partners.
At the same time, if I can't give you at least an insight into what Martin has to endure then there's not much point in me writing, since my sex life is very much centred on the domination of my husband. What I've therefore decided to do is to occasionally show some video captures which give you a good idea of the punishments I deal out to my spouse, without actually showing him in the scene. This leaves him with a certain amount of deniability about my diary entries - they're arguably the fantasy imaginings of an oversexed wife.
For many people my pictures will seem very tame stuff. I'm not in any way excited by heavy BDSM (dungeons, piercings, cock torture, brutal corporal punishment etc.) and so my disciplinary methods rely more on psychological than on physical chastisement. However, as I've already explained, I do very much like using a whip. In fact I get so aroused these days when whipping my husband that I can be well on the way to climaxing without any physical stimulation. It would be fantastic to be able to actually orgasm through just whipping alone, but realistically I know this will never happen. In the end I have to have something in contact with my clitoris to get my release.
The very mention of the word 'whip' is enough to excite me nowadays and I've got a favourite black leather riding crop that has become a sort of domina equivalent of a security blanket. Not only do I often have it with me when I walk around the house but I also sleep with it by my side. When I wake in the morning I'll rub it gently back and forth across my vagina, and quite regularly the cold metal tip of the handle ends up stimulating me.
If you've ever used a whip or cane you'll know that if you were to give a full blow on bare flesh you'd cause tremendous pain and probably serious injury. In my case this realisation inevitably led me to hold back a great deal, with the problem then being that it felt like I was only playing at it. I received nothing like the sexual buzz I would get when I just walked around the house cracking the whip sharply against furniture, such as a chair or a bed. Also the sound wasn't as exciting - I like to hear the swish of the whip through the air and the beautiful thwack when contact is finally made.
After a while I picked up the habit of sharply striking a riding crop against my thigh boots as I walked around in them. With the leather protecting my legs I found I could do this quite hard without experiencing any real pain and the sound as the whip hit the leather was just wonderful. This made me realise that if there was a leather barrier between Martin's bottom and the whip, I could discipline him harder. As you might imagine, Martin already owned some leather briefs so I made him wear these when I whipped or caned him. This was a great success and on video I looked far more impressive as I could now put some real force into my blows. Discipline sessions became far more exciting.
More recently I came up with the idea of making Martin wear a leather miniskirt as well as the briefs. Not only does it make it even easier to taunt and ridicule him when he's having to wear an item of women's clothing, but it also means I can whip his bottom without much restriction. The feeling of power and control as I tug on his dog lead while punishing his rear is heavenly. It takes a great deal of self-restraint on my own part not to get too carried away.
The pictures I've posted below show what I was wearing during last Sunday's discipline session with Martin. I told you that I was getting tired of his moodiness and that I would end it once and for all. You have to understand though that I can't change my husband's emotions through punishment; I can only change his outward demeanour. He will still be suffering inner disquiet about his coming cuckolding, but he will no longer dare show it.
How can I be so sure that Martin will obey me? After all, I know that some of you reading this will look at the pictures of me and decide that they would love to have been in Martin's place last Sunday. It's the sort of punishment that many men would pay money to receive. Won't it be tempting for Martin to suffer a relapse so he can have another session with his wife?
What you have to appreciate here is that there is a big difference between last Sunday's training and other sessions that we have. Most times when I dress in my leather and rubber and dominate Martin, it's for the purpose of mutual pleasure. For example, Martin will enjoy some mild bondage while being spanked or lightly whipped by me and I will enjoy the homage he gives with his mouth, either directly from his tongue or from various devices which are strapped to his face. If I do wear some briefs like those in the photos, I will use them for ten minutes or so, masturbating my husband at the same time. He's never able to last long with this sort of stimulation.
Sunday was a different matter altogether. Martin was forcibly disciplined with both the riding crop and the leather whip for lengthy periods, and my briefs were used on four separate occasions, each time with my spouse in a different position. Each session lasted roughly half an hour and there was no stimulation whatsoever of Martin's prick, with the gates of hell device keeping his erection well in check. The chains attached to his belt were used to ensure that Martin felt the full extent of my displeasure when I pulled on them, and the penis gag satisfyingly prevented him from interrupting me with pointless pleading and apologies.
You'll notice that in a couple of the pictures I'm wearing a coat. If Martin is punished in our house then no matter how severe the discipline, he at least has the security of being within a familiar environment, one where he feels safe from discovery and embarrassment. For this reason I made sure that one of the sessions with my rubber briefs occurred away from home. I would have liked to have done it outside, but last Sunday it was bitterly cold so it took place indoors, somewhere where there was at least the chance (albeit a very small one) of us being interrupted while in full flow.
I can imagine the question that is going through the minds of many of you: Why on earth would a man possibly allow himself to be subjected to such humiliation and discomfort? Why doesn't he just refuse? Here we come to what is really the key bond between a domina and her submissive. There must be an implicit acceptance by a Mistress's slave that he will obey her without question. To refuse one of her commands is to threaten her power, and this is something she cannot tolerate. The slave must accept punishment for transgression and if he refuses this then the only sanction left is the discarding of the slave. The submissive must believe that if he subjugates his Mistress's will it will be the end of his relationship with her.
Martin knows this. No matter how painful it would be for both of us, if he rebelled against me then I would have to leave him. This is something that he couldn't ever contemplate. I know for a fact that he would rather lose everything he owns in the world than lose me, and I love him deeply because of this unconditional devotion and love he bestows upon me. Again, please don't ask me to rationalise why I had such an enjoyable day on Sunday as I put someone whom I love through a severe punishment session. I've no idea why I get such a sexual kick from it.
Oh, and I'd like to be able to say that he took his punishment like a man.
But of course he didn't; he took it like a girl.
|To contact me, email maria at this site|